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One Gone


by Lara


Category: ER
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 1999-10-03 09:00:00
Updated: 1999-10-03 09:00:00
Packaged: 2016-04-27 09:48:20
Rating: T
Chapters : 1
Words : 3,621

Publisher: www.fanfiction.net

Summary: What if Carol Hathaway's suicide was a succes?


One Gone

Date: May 14, 1999 Title: One Gone Author: Lara E-mail: laraw0hgo.net
Rating: PG STRONG LANGUAGE Category: Carol Hathaway Plot: What if
Carol's suicide attempt if "24 Hours" seceded? In addition, what was
going threw Carol's mind in her Last week? Spoilers: 24 Hours
Disclaimer: The characters of ER are not mine, but belong to Constant
C, NBC, and Michael Chrichton. The song in the back ground when Carol
leaves work is Mary Chapin-Carpenter ' s "Middle Ground," off her CD
"Shooting Straight in the Dark." The song Haleh sings at the funeral
id Hanson's "I Will Come To You," from their CD "Middle Of Nowhere."

I know it was not out in 1994 but, I like it and I am using it
anyway .

" We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of Carol Elizabeth
Hathaway. Carol was a friend, a nurse, a lover, and most of all a
young women who died to young," speaks a priest. "Does anyone have
anything they wish to share about Carol?" A man stands it is Mark
Greene, "Carol Hathaway was a woman of great strength, she was in
charge not only of the staff, but of her life. We may wonder what
brought her to her tragic death, but, but..." Mark has to sit down
cause he is crying so hard. Next Susan Lewis goes to speak. "Carol,
was a friend and in the moment when she was brought into the ER.I
knew by the look on her face she was in no pain, and that she was
ready to die. I knew it was god's will that she die, painlessly, in
that self induced coma." While each of the doctors and nurses, take a
turn to say something about Carol. We see Doctor Douglas Ross,

Carol's ex-boyfriend, and one of the major reasons she killed
herself. He is in tears; he cannot find the courage to go into the
church, so he just sits outside.

A FEW WEEKS EARLIER. AN ENTIRETY OUT OF CAROL'S DIARY. March 7, 1994


I HATE MYSELF. I WISH I WERE DEAD. Between Doug, work, and life. Doug



is old news. Work the county screwed the nurses over in the budget
again. I had another fight with my mom. I HAD MY LIFE. Wouldn't
suicide by easier. I MEAN IT, DEATH OVER LIFE. I'm going to try to
tell some one. I don't know whom. Maybe Mark, or Susan, or Lydia
would listen if I ask her to. There is always Div Cvetic; he could
get me help. Any of them would listen. Tag, maybe I'll tell him. He'd
help me. Maybe I will tell no one, I will just go home some night and
kill myself, I don't know.

Yours, Carol

March 8, 1994, A PHONE CALL WITH Douglas Ross.

Carol: Hello, Miss Hathaway speaking. Doug: Hi, Carol, what's up?
Carol: Hello, to you to Doug. What do you want? Doug: I was wondering
if you'd like to have dinner with my tomorrow? Carol: NO I WOULD NOT!
You know I'm going out with John Taglieri. Doug: I was just
wondering. Carol: Doug, get it into that small brain of yours, I
don't like you anymore, and now I'm going out with John, I won't go
out with you. She slams the phone back on the hook before Doug can
say a word.

March 9, 1994

Life is no better. Doug still likes me. Mama, won't speak to me. I
may lose my job. %*0$, this, SUCIDED WOULD BE EASIER! I think I know
how, and when.

Suicidal, Carol

March 10, 1994

Now do it and this HELL of a life will be over. Doug Ross, will he
even miss me? He has another girl friend womanizing jerk. I cannot
believe I thinking I am hurt any one cause no one cares. THEY ALL
THINK I AM FINE. GOOFS. How, is Pills, Barbiturates. I can get them
from work. I'll just slip them in my pocket. I started yesterday. I
got two lOpill vials. When is St. Patrick's Day, by then. I'll have
enough pills to kill my self.

Sincerely, Carol

March 11, 1994 I STILL HATE LIFE! I STILL HATE DOUG ROSS. I STILL

HATE WORK. I STILL HATE MAMA. I STILL WANT TO DIE. So there is my
plan, to go to work the 17th just like normal, then when I get home
Carrie home or not I'll go to my room, and end it all. Tag, I must
apologize to you now. I love you, but I cannot go on.

Suicidal, Carol

March 11, 1994, COOK COUNTY GENERAL HOSPITAL EMERCENGY ROOM, ADMIT

DESK. "Darn, I forget my eye shadow," fusses nurse Lydia Wright.

Carol hears her fussing and offers. "Hey, Lydia, go a head and use
mine." "Your joking, right, letting someone use your make-up?" asks
Lydia. "No, use the blue you really like." Mark walks by the desk and
says we got a trauma coming in.

" 29, female passed out in a local supermarket, LOC 10 min.,
complaining of sever lower back pain, and shortness of breath."

"Okay, lets move her gently, on my count 1, 2, 3," orders Mark. "



Let's get a CBC, Chem7, lytes. Ma'am what's your name?" "Ms. Kerry
Weaver, M.D." "Ms. Weaver, you're a doctor do you know what is
wrong?" "I have a new discovered syndrome call PPS, or Post-Polio
Syndrome. "Okay, we want to make sure that is what it is, so were
going to keep you a little while. We have you on acetaminophen for
your back, so we'll move you to an exam room, and see what you tests


March 12, 1994, CAROL'S DAIRY.

March 12, 1994

All is still on track. I still hate myself. I still hate Doug. I
still will not speck to my mother. Work still sucks. I'm getting the
pills. I'm sorry, guys, no I'm sorry, friends. I'm sorry. What can I
say? I wish I could say this or tell you this in person, but I can't.
I know you will miss me. Haleh, take care of the ER for me. Actually,
I have trained you all well. You are the best staff. To the Doctors
you are just as great (all but Douglas Ross) . Mark, I know you will
miss me. I am sorry it is not your fault. Susan, you are the best, as
a friend and a colleague. Sorry, I cannot tell you. Jerry, my job
would be so hard, and stressful without you

I love you all, I know you will all miss me, but sorry. None of you,
but Doug are to blame. Your friend, Carol

March 13, 1994, COOK COUNTY GENERAL HOSPITAL'S EMERGENCY ROOM DRUG

STORAGE " Carol, you seen they acetaminophen tabs?" asks Susan Lewis.
"Do you need the 500mg, or the 800mg tabs?" "25mg, What you doing the
17th after work?" "I have plans," she answers. Knowing that if she is
going to tell Susan that she is suicidal now is the time. "Okay, I
thought you might like to go have a drink." "Wish I could, but I have
plans with Doctor Taglieri." Carol lies, she cannot tell Susan, the
true, no matter how much she wants to. " Okay, she you later," says
Susan walking out with the pills.

March 14, 1994, CAROL'S DIARY.

March 14, 1994

Mama's up so I have to be quiet, so I am writing. All is still in
place only 4 days and I will by gone. I have 50 pills. You only need
30 to be in danger, 45 or more is OD . I know what will happen Carrie,
my roommate, will hear me in my bag getting out the pills, then she
will hear me collapse. She will rush in to make sure I am okay, but
she will fine me unconscious. She will freak and call 911. I will be
taken to the hospital; I should leave a note that says to take me to
Mercy, not County. That way no overly heroic measures will take place
and the question of 'Why?' will not be asked during treatment. The
staff a county will fine out one of two ways. One Mama or Tag will
call to inform the staff sadly, I killed myself. Two They will read
the death notice in the paper. Carol Elizabeth Hathaway, 31. Head
nurse at Cook County General Hospital's ER. Committed suicide last
Night on St. Patrick's Day. Surviving her is her mother, Helen
Hathaway. Viewing will be Monday 21. Funeral will be Tuesday 22 at
St. Luke's Catholic Church at 10:30 A.M. I know this how it will be
in the paper, but I am fine with it, as long as this life is over.
Very suicidal, Carol


March 15, 1994, DINNING ROOM OF John Taglieri ' s HOUSE



"So how was work, baby?" he says leaning down to kiss Carol.
"Stressful as always," sighs Carol. "Is there a problem, Carol?" he
asks concerned. " Yeah, Doug's been hitting on me. I keep telling him
I'm not interested, but he just won't listen." " Why don't you talk
to Dr. Greene or Dr. Morgenstern about it?" suggests Tag. "Maybe I
will."

March 15,1994 I STILL HATE THE WORLD. I STILL HATE MY LIFE. I STILL
HATE WORK. I STILL DOUG ROSS. I STILL HATE MY MAMA. I STILL WANT TO
DIE. GOODBYE ALL, CAROL.

March 16, 1994, CAROL'S DIARY

March 16, 1994

Tomorrow it is over. I will be gone. Yes! ! ! ! ! Sorry this is so hard
to read I am on the EL coming home from work. I could not look any of
the nurses in the eye, I guess I am a little guilty, but that won't
stop me. I have the pills almost 60. I will grab one more vial in the
morning, which will give me 70. My stop, have to go. Suicidal Carol


March 16, 1994 continued


Sorry did not get to finish writing earlier, but I had to run. I
cannot believe one more day and it is over. No one has noticed how
depressed I am, I know there has been signs, I am suicidal. Like
giving up shifts, not making St. Patrick's Day plans, or letting the
nurses use my make-up. Normally no one can even touch my make-up bag,
let alone get in it, and use my make-up. I even offered to let Lydia
Wright have the blue eye shadow. The one I know she loves. It is
almost over. Soon to be gone Carol

March, 17, 1994


Today is the day, I am writing this before work I have let it all go
I am ready to die. It seems to easy no one even suspects. Even if
they do no one's confronted me. It will all be over tonight. I am
not sorry, it is the only way out. Bye, this is the last time I will
write. Bye, guys, try to remember all the great things I did in life,
not in death. God, take to heaven when I am gone. Sincerely Carol
Elizabeth Hathaway Friend, Lover, Nurse, Daughter, and Person


March 17, 1994, EL TRAINS GOING TO COOK COUNTY GENERAL


Lydia Wright boards the train and takes a seat by Carol. "Morning,
Carol." "Morning Lydia, how is Jessica?" asks Carol. "Fine, she's
coming with my sister this weekend, so could I get Saturday off."
"Yeah, I think Wendy wanted extra hours this week ask her if she'll
work for you. You can tell her it is cleared with me."

LATER IN THE LOUGE


Carol: Something wrong? Benton: Oh you bet there is. We're out of
coffee again because the nurse have been taking it, that's what's
wrong. Carol: Well make some more. Benton: Make some more! We work 36
hours on, and 18 off which is 90 hours a week, 52 weeks a year for
that we get paid $23,739 before taxes, and we also have to make
coffee! Carol: My heart is breaking. Benton: Where's the filters?



Mark: In the refrigerator.


LATER AT THE ADMIT DESK.

Doug: Carol, are you sure that you don't have a PKU card tucked away
in that special stash of your? Carol: Like... this? Doug: I could
always count on you, even if you do prefer football players. Carol:
You had your chance. Doug: I was young... I was a fool. Carol: You're
still a fool. Doug: You happen to know what is the worst pain medical
specialty? Carol: Pediatrics? Doug: You were right the first time.

END OF CAROL'S SHIFT Carol: Bye, guys.

[CAROL'S DIARY] MARCH 17, 1994

March 17,1994, CAROL'S DIARY I had to write just one entry more.

Guys, when you fine this read it, read it all. Then you will know
what I am about to do is not your fault After all the nurses have
read it, give it to mama or Dr. Taglieri. Good Bye. Your friend,

Carol

SUICIDE NOTE

I am sorry. I do not mean to hurt any one. I wish to be taken to
Mercy Hospital, and have measures take as if I am DNR. No machines,
no drugs, nothing, just let it end. Goodbye all, Carol Elizabeth
Hathaway. March 17,1994

[CAROL'S POV] I close my diary then quietly get in my purse and get
out the pills. I sit them on my dresser, and open them. Then I get
out the bottle of liquor I have hidden. Vodka. I pick up the first
bottle, take five, and wash them down with a sip of vodka. So easy,
but the pain is still there, so I take a handful more, and another
drink of liquor. Still the pain. So I take more, again and again,
there are less and less pills. I grab some more, the pain is
lessening. My world begins to spin; it will be over soon. [CARRIE'S
POV (Carol's roommate)] I hear a thud, and call "Carol, what was
that?" She does not answer. I scream "Carol! Carol! You okay?" she
does not answer. I run to her room, she is on the floor so
motionless, I cry, "Oh my God, Carol," and panic and call 911.


[SHORTLY AFTER THE EMT CALL COMES INTO THE ER] Doug: Did you hear?
Mark: Yeah, yeah she's on her way... It's never... Doug: How did this
happen to her of all people? Mark: I don't know.

[EMT'S RUSH IN WITH CAROL ON A STRETCHER] Nurse: Oh my God, it's
Hathaway .

[SHE IS RUSH TO A TRAUMA ROOM] Lydia: Why ' d she do it? Mark: Doesn't
matter why she did it, we don't ask that of any other OD, who comes
thru those doors, we don't ask that of this one.

[LATER TALKING WITH DAVID MORGANSTERN] Mark: It doesn't look hopeful
but I think for the morale of the unit we've got to do everything and
she was... is very popular. Morganstern: The unit's looking to you
Mark, you set the tone. Mark: Yeah. Morganstern: She was one of
us... well loved her... we worked with her, and now sometime has
happened to her... it makes us feel guilty, it makes us feel angry...
it scares the hell out of us, but we take care of her and we go with
out jobs. Mark: Yeah. Maorganstern : You set the tone, Mark, you get



the unit thru this


[LATER THAT NIGHT MARK AND DOUG ARE TALKING] Doug: Boy, she really
did it, didn't she? Mark: Yeah, she did. Doug: She seemed OK today.
Mark: Yeah, she seemed fine. Doug: She was making joke ... everything
was great ... she was funny... she was joking like always, she was
funny. Mark: Get some coffee, Doug.

[FLASH TO CAROL'S MOTHER'S DIRAY] I can't believe my baby did it, she
tried to kill herself. She seemed fine, I never thought she was

suicidal. She looks so innocent, but it's scary all the IV line, and

wires, and tubes. They say all she has to do is wake up. They hope it
will be tonight. It is hard, at least all the cards and flowers give
the room a nice touch. I have told her about each one, I know she can
hear me. In addition, Mark Greene and all the nurses have stopped to
say Hi, and tell her to Get Well, and Come Back. I can tell they were

not ready for this, and miss her. I hope she wakes up.

[LATER SUSAN AND BENTON ARE TALKING] Bento: So how's Hathaway? Susan:
I doesn't look good.

March 18, 1994 [THE NEXT DAY AT THE ADMIT DESK] Wendy: Lydia, where

were you? Lydia: Up in the ICU with Carol. Wendy: well, how is she?
Lydia: Not good, it seems easier to make someone believe it's all
going to be fine if the can't read the charts, and monitors. Chuny : I
know any other OD you see the chart, but not the person, you do not
wonder why. Helah: I know. She was making jokes, and teasing Doug.
Susan: We taking about Hathaway. Conni : Yeah. Susan: I know. She was
teasing Benton about there not being any coffee. Jerry: And kissing
Dr. Tag. Malik: I know. Mark: Come people, back to work. We have an
ER to run with or without Miss Hathaway. All: Mark! Mark: I miss her
too. I wish she hadn't done it also, but we have to get back on the
ball, and hope she comes out of this okay. [He thinks 'I have to set
the tone, I have to get the unit thur this, but they need time to
talk, time to take it all in. I'll get the unit thru this.'}

[LATER THAT DAY] Jerry (on the phone) : Yes, hold on. Dr. Greene it's
the ICU. Mark: Yes . . . okay . . . I understand ... thanks . Susan: What's
wrong? Mark: Page all on duty to the lounge.

[IN THE LOUGE] Mark: Thank you all for coming. I just wish it were
happier news. Wendy: What? Mark: About a ho... Hour ago Carol died.
(Finally, Mark cries.) Lydia: Was she in pain? Mark: No, she went
into cardiac arrest, and died, painlessly.

[IN THE "CHICAGO TRIBUNE"]

Carol Elizabeth Hathaway, 31 of the northside. Died last night at
County General Hospital, after a suicide attempt yesterday night.
Carol was Head Nurse in the ER at County General. She is survived by
her mother Helen Hathaway. Viewing will be March 21, 7-9pm at Keller
Funeral home. Funeral will be March 22, 10am at St. Luke's Catholic
Church .

[CAROL'S FUNERAL]

Haleh stands, and sings.

When you have no light to guide you And no one to walk to walk beside
you I will come. Oh I will come to you When the night is dark and



stormy You won't have to reach out for me. I will come to you Oh I
will come to you Sometimes when all your dreams may have seen better
days And you don't know how or why, but you've lost your way Have no
fear when You tears failin' I will hear your spirit callin' And I
swear I'll be there come what may

(Repeat Chorus)

'Cause even if we can't be together We'll be friends now and forever
And I swear that I'll be there come what may When the night is dark
and stormy You won't have to reach out for me I will come to you Oh I
will come to you We all need somebody we can turn to Someone who'll
always understand So if you feel that your soul is dyin' And you need
the strength to keep tryin' I'll reach out and take your hand


(Repeat Chorus)


She sits, crying softly. "We are gathered here today to mourn the
loss of Carol Elizabeth Hathaway. Carol was a friend, a nurse, a
lover, and most of all a young women who died to young, " speaks a
priest. "Does anyone have anything they wish to share about Carol?" A
man stands it is Mark Greene, "Carol Hathaway was a woman of great
strength, she was in charge not only of the staff, but of her life.

We may wonder what brought her to her tragic death, but, but..." Mark
has to sit down cause he is crying so hard. Next Susan Lewis goes to
speak. " Carol, was a friend and in the moment when she was brought
into the ER. I knew by the look on her face she was in no pain, and
that she was ready to die. I knew it was god's will that she die,
painlessly, in that self induced coma." While each of the doctors and
nurses, take a turn to say something about Carol. We see Doctor
Douglas Ross, Carol's ex-boyfriend, and one of the major reasons she
killed herself. He is in tears; he cannot find the courage to go into
the church, so he just sits outside.

In loving memory of Head Nurse Carol Elizabeth Hathaway.


Carol Elizabeth Hathaway May 26, 1964 to March 18, 1994 A poor
victim. Psalm 30:5b Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes
in the morning.


End
f ile .




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